A Blogger's Frustration with Review Requests - some advice

[Pavarti K Tyler]

Hello, my name is Pavarti and I am a Book Blogger/Author/Mother/Wife/Business Owner/Tax Accountant/Crazy Person/Teacher/Church Member/Friend/Daughter/Publicist/Gardener.  When you write me, please keep those things in mind, as in I'm BUSY.  I've written about this before on Novel Publicity but you just don't seem to be getting the point, so let me be clearer here.

• My name is PAVARTI.  It is not Parvati (although this doesn't bother me too much), it is not Pavarotti (don't always trust spell check people) and it is not Tyler (that's my last name, please try using your brain).
• My review policy on the Legal Disclaimer's Page AND the Contact me Page clearly states that I'm closed for reviews.  If you feel you are that special snowflake that I should consider beyond my general rule, make sure you at least acknowledge that I'm closed.
• I ONLY TAKE PAPERBACKS.  Your book may be special and beautiful, but reading on my phone/computer kills my eyes and I like the books less.  Want a bad review?  Sure, send me an ebook.  I'm guessing that's not what you're going for though.  I have had authors suggest I should just print out their PDF on my own paper.  So now you want my time, my brain, my blog space, AND you want me to invest money in paper for you?  Really?  Come on.  If my review is so worth it to you, YOU can print it out on paper and mail it to me.  Again, I ONLY TAKE PAPER COPIES!
• Get a professional editor.  I'm actually not one of the rabid reviewers who will pick on you for every single mistake.  Sometimes, I'll even email authors and let them know what I found.  Believe it or not I WANT to like your book.  I don't want to spend my time on a bad book and I want yours to be the next awesome adventure I take.  But amateur mistakes like head-hopping (for US authors, UK authors have different standards), repeated words in the same paragraph (or sentence), rampant misspellings and info dumping can and should be avoided.  Need help finding an editor?  I know folks who do a great job and who span the price range pretty effectively.  I'd be happy to help you.  But from now on I'm going to have to request all review copies I receive be professionally edited and I need the name of the editor.  And no, it can't be your Mom.
• DO NOT - FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GROOVY  - SEND ME AN MASS EMAIL!
  Today I received an email in the following format sent to an undisclosed list of recipients, which is really what set me off:

Hi, Would you be willing to review my novel on your site? Here are the details:

Title: How to Drive Pavarti Insane

Author’s Name: Random Author I've never spoken to

Genre: Made up Genre which doesn't appear on Amazon

Length: doesn't matter, I'm not going to read it

Publisher: Self - Don't Do This!  At least put your name or your imprint's name here!

Book available at:

Date of Publication: Today!

ISBN:

My Website: www.amateurauthor.com

Format I can e-mail it in: pdf file, epub or .mobi. you got it right offering all three but did you see the thing where I only review paper copies!

Blurb: A really interesting topic!

***

Thank you for your time.

The really unfortunate thing is that this is a neat sounding book.  I would probably even have accepted it to review IF I got a personal email that sounded like the author had done anything other than pull my email off a list somewhere.  Bloggers are getting busier and busier which means we're getting pickier and pickier about what we read.  I'm sorry to say this, but the kinds of things in this email and that I mentioned above mean I'm not going to even consider your book.  Which is too bad.  I WANT to read your book.  I WANT to read them all.  But with the time restraints, folks who can't figure out which is my first and which is my last name aren't going to make the cut.

I send emails to bloggers ALL the time.  It's really difficult, even with personalised emails, to try and round up reviewers.  Getting guest posts and interviews is easier, but reviews are in really high demand.  I know how frustrated you probably are and how exhausting and time consuming all of this takes.  I really really do.  But mass emails are NOT the answer.  They are the enemy and a sure fire way to NOT get reviewed.

So take a little time.  Emailing 3 bloggers personally and getting reviews is better than mass emailing the entire blogger database and getting none and only having folks annoyed enough to write a big long ranting blog post about it :)

By the way - I AM open to a small number of paperback books in need of reviews this summer.  May is closed but if you have something you're interested in me considering use my contact form.  Please remember, I don't generally like YA (especially the love triangle kind), I have never read a book about fairies that I liked (although I'm willing to try if you have something special), I'm open to erotica and romance, but only if there is a plot.  Books accepted for reviews will only be posted if I can give it an honest 3 stars or more.  If I can't I will email the author directly.  I tend to like sci-fi, dystopian, end of the world, genetic kind of stuff.  But again, I am willing to consider just about anything.

So to the poor soul who sent me the mass email - I won't be reading your book, but your fellow authors thank you, because I might be willing to read theirs.