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Book Review - The Box of Daughter by Katherine Mayfield

Book Review
The Box of Daughter by
The Box of Daughter - a memoir
by Katherine Mayfield
About the Author
Katherine MayfieldKatherine Mayfield won the Honorable Mention award for her story The Last Visit in Warren Adler’s 2011 Short Story Contest, and has written articles for national magazines as well as local newspapers in Massachusetts. As an actress, she performed Off-Broadway and Off-Off Broadway, in independent films, and on the daytime soap Guiding Light.
She is the author of Smart Actors, Foolish Choices and Acting A to Z, both published by Random House Bertelsmann.
Book Description
The Box of Daughter is an inspiring true story of the author's journey of healing after five decades of emotional abuse. Her parents were fine, upstanding citizens in a large suburban community, devout church members who volunteered and gave generously of their time, treasure, and talent, and took their frustrations out on their children by bullying them behind closed doors, just as their parents had done to them.
Criticized and belittled from an early age, the author became the perfect "Good Little Girl" who always obeyed and tried to give her parents everything they wanted, as she forced her real self into unconscious hiding. Not knowing her family was dysfunctional, she thought she was defective and unlovable. When she was four, she witnessed violence in her family, and became afraid that if she ever disobeyed her parents, she would be killed.
As the author grew into adulthood, her parents used her to meet their own emotional needs, a situation that psychologists call "emotional incest." She entered therapy and began to understand that her low self-esteem was the result of the way her parents treated her. In her forties, she acted as caregiver for her parents as they aged, still enduring their abuse and trying her best to make them happy. In the last eight months of her father's life, she lost weight at an alarming rate in spite of eating a normal, healthy diet. No medical cause was ever found, and she was emaciated by the time her father passed away at 93.
Free of the abuse at last, she set foot on an exhilarating journey of physical and emotional healing: unearthing her authentic self, expressing her grief and rage, and finally creating a life that is truly her own. The Box of Daughter demonstrates that it is possible to heal the pain of abuse and move on into a more rewarding life.

Book Review
This book is a truly open and honest account of the authors life, growing up whilst being captured in the middle of emotional abuse. I started to read the book not knowing what to expect, by the third page I had a lump in my throat and the dread in my stomach of how a little girl tries so desperately to please her mum and how a mothers simplest actions can have so much affect on a child. As a parent myself, I immediately started to think of certain things I have done in the past, meaning no harm, but questioning what affect this may have had on my child.

The author lived in a dominant and controlling environment when all she needed and craved for was the physical and emotional love of her parents, tenderness, a kiss, a smile, a cuddle, praise. Living the life of two families was how things were expected, one show for the public, family and friends against the real family situation, inside their home, of emotional neglect, sadness, loneliness and for a little girl the lack of tolerance. This lack made her life virtually unbearable, being almost too scared to breathe, as she learnt from a very young age that the only way to please was to be the good little girl, how the box of daughter should be. Stopping herself from enjoying any part of life, so she didn't get hurt when it was taken away from her was another part of growing up.

What you do realise as you read more into the book is that her parents lived a very lonely life together, handed down from generations of how parents behaved. You could almost feel their depression as they lived their daily lives. You also feel the anger and jealousy as her mother continually took the limelight at any given opportunity over her daughters achievements.

For me the breaking point is when the family had the chance to move to California for 3 years. The author finally finds some freedom and the feeling of acceptance from the school, youth club and theatre club. Things were starting to improve when they were suddenly taken away as the family had to move back to their original area due to her fathers job. This to me leads to more unbalanced feelings and increased frustrations of the whole family.

Then living through the caring of her elderly parents as she holds onto all the past pain and resentment of all the things she never experienced as a child. When the day came when she was finally free to live her life as she wanted to, the sheer shock and confusion in her mind on how to life without the shadowing criticism over her, starts to hit her. As the lines read ' I was left with threads of many colours that I didn't have any idea how to sift and sort them into any kind of order, or whether I even needed any of them at all to weave a new tapestry for my life.' Recommended reading.

The Box of Daughter
When I was a little girl,
I wanted more than anything
To be a person.
But my parents wanted me
To be a daughter.
“We put you in the box of daughter,” they told me,
Though not in so many words,
And having no choice,
Because I was a daughter,
I climbed into the box.
I didn’t like it there, but it felt safe.

The box of daughter was small and dark,
There wasn’t much air,
Or personhood,
And not very much life could get
Into or out of the box.
There wasn’t enough room
For all the parts of me,
So I had to leave some of myself
Outside the box.
Then I forgot where it was.
(Or someone threw it away when I wasn’t looking.)

My brother was the lucky one—
He was in the box of son.
He got to do what he wanted
(Though sometimes he got punished for it,
But I guess that was the price of
Being in the box of son and doing what you wanted).
I don’t know if he’s still in the box now;
He lives in L.A.

It’s been many years now
That I’ve been in the box of daughter—
I’ve worked a lot on the box,
Making holes to see out,
And so that more light and life can come in,
I’ve pushed and pushed at the walls for years and years,
Trying to make the box fit me better,
But it’s a very strong box.

I’ve tried just stepping out of the box sometimes,
And sometimes it works;
But I’m afraid it will cause my parents pain
And they already seem to have
Too much to cope with.
How can I hurt people who
Are already hurting too much?
That would make me feel cruel.
And so I live on in the small, dark box of daughter.

I hope one day long before the end of my life
I’ll be set free from the box—
I’m so excited to find out one day
What life is like
Outside the box of daughter.
Copyright 1999-2012 Katherine Mayfield

Our Rating

Book Review - I AM I - The In-Dweller of Your Heart by by David Knight

Book Review
I AM I: The In-Dweller of Your Heart (Part 1)
by David Knight
About the Author
Whilst experiencing various types of employment ranging from factory work, HM Forces, Financial Services and self employment, his search for fulfilment changed from the exterior and without, to the interior and ‘within’.

Spiritual ‘education’ gained greater momentum and at the age of 21, a more urgent sense of dedication and realization started to reveal itself. New and personal evidence of and from God, with his Love and Light Hierarchy, were soon revealed through his life experiences. Many precognitions, dreams and visions followed which showed him that all souls are special and that we have been given a unique opportunity in this lifetime. With the aid of Spirit guides and beings of the ethereal planes, Pathway, was self-published in 1998, among others. This ‘channelled’ work laid the foundation for anyone who wished to experience and develop their own heart’s flame of love and light. Dave resides in Northamptonshire (UK) with his wife Caroline and 4 cats.

Book Description
I am I: The In-Dweller of your Heart is a stepping stone for all who embark upon their own quest for ‘Spiritual’ education and guidance. Even if you are comfortable with your own faith and religion, it can help you to explore new interpretations and issues on a personal or global scale.

The author David Knight has received and transcribed these passages of text in a process known as ‘Inner Dictation’. He describes this as writing from within the connection of his heart where peace, bliss, love and light reign supreme.

God’s wisdom and teachings are laid out before you so you can simply choose and read whenever or whatever your heart needs or desires. I am I entrusts that you will dip your toes into these guidelines, principles and simple directions, then dive headfirst into the waters of your own Divine essence.

These books will form the threads of life’s new tapestry, each spun into 52 lessons from, to and through our own hearts and souls. They are like a father, mother, brother, sister, husband, wife, partner or personal friend who knows you better than you can ever know ‘yourself’.

Part 1 is a companion for life which does not judge, condemn or scold, but hopes to encourage, guide, console, teach and remind you of who and what you are, why you live and for what purpose too!
Book Review
Normally I read thrillers or historic novels which have a logical sequence of events which lead to an ending, therefore when I read this book I found that I was challenging myself in my thought process and emotional feelings.

Although I am a Christian and have read certain parts of the bible, both old and new testament, this book asked me the question, have I really let God into my heart?

Each individual who reads this book will interpret it to their way of thinking. I see the teachings as that God is a seed planted in our heart and is with us in everything we do, but the degree of belief I have depends on how much I believe he is there. If I could open my heart to him and let him grow, my inner soul or karma would be lighter, thus letting me shine or glow more, which would lift my burdens. Instead of sitting round and contemplating if I let the light shine, I would be at peace. There is absolutely nothing that you cannot achieve if you have faith in yourself.

The author then takes us through the different phases of emotions and life as well as relationships with different sectors of society, friends, colleagues and family. Believing all good and light comes from within and if we can learn to nurture this and believe in our faith, in God and our own strengths, we can enrich everybody we come into contact with.

Through reading this book, if you are having doubts or struggling, this book can life you up and rekindle hope. If you are a believer, this can strengthen your faith and beliefs. If you have no faith then give this book a try.

To get the best out of the book you need to take your time in reading it, taking on board the message that is portrayed, this book must be read.

Our Rating

Today I reviewed Small Histories by Erik Rodgers. See my thoughts here

From the front page news story to major historical events, these stories explore the intersection between ordinary private lives and public events. Alex joins up with a nomadic group seeking to expose themselves to lightning strikes. Two women meet up in San Francisco during World War Two to share their grief over the loss of their shared lover. A competitive runner makes headlines as he grapples with a streak of losses. No one here is a celebrity or a public figure, these are normal people, whose sense of personal meaning and loss becomes, for a time, the purview of public sympathy and scrutiny.

Title: My Fairytale Life
Heather M. White
Publisher: Self
Series: Vampire Hunter #1
Release Date: January 30th 2012
Genre: YA, Paranormal, Romance
Size: 269 KB
Source: Enchanting Book Tours
Buy: Amazon | B&N


17 year old Jadyn and her dad are vampire hunters. That is until her dad decides it’s time for Jadyn to have a “normal” life. When he moved them to Miami, Florida the last thing Jadyn expected was for there to be vampires.

Jadyn doesn’t want to have a normal life, but then she starts to make new friends. She starts to think that maybe a normal life might not be so bad after all. But soon she realizes that maybe her friends aren’t “human” as she once thought they were.

On top of everything else a very powerful vampire, Tabatha, seeks revenge on Jadyn. People from her school start disappearing, and people start dying. She wants to stop the deaths, but Tabatha has other plans for her.

Can Jadyn stop the one vampire that is impossible to kill before its too late?

Read the rest of this entry »

Book Review - Signs of War by Gerard de Marigny

Book Review
Signs of War by Gerard de
Signs of War (Cris de Niro Book 2)
by Gerard de Marigny
About the Author
With his bestselling debut political thriller, THE WATCHMAN OF EPHRAIM, Gerard de Marigny has burst upon the literary world stage with vigor and poise! Founding JarRyJorNo Publishing in January 2011, de Marigny dons many hats, that of publisher, graphic designer, marketer, as well as author. The result, so far, has been a sparkling debut novel that became a #1 Amazon Bestselling Geopolitical Thriller! BOOK II of de Marigny's CRIS DE NIRO series, SIGNS OF WAR was released in November 2011 and the author is already at work writing BOOK III, RISE TO THE CALL due out in spring 2012.
In July '11, de Marigny sat down for an up-close and personal interview with talented Director Philip Norbert of Kingmaker Productions. Shot by famed Cinematographer Jay Nemeth of Flightline Films, the Q&A session has garnered over 10,000 viewers on YouTube, in only its first three months.
In his youth, de Marigny was the lead guitarist for 80's rock band, AMERICADE. Though the last lineup of the band broke up in 1995, de Marigny was approached by Aaron McCaslin, President of Retrospect Records, a label dedicated to promoting heavy rock bands from the 80's, offering a record contract. The result has become a remarkable 70-song, 4-CD boxed set branded, AMERICADENCE: 1980 ~ 1995 (which includes unreleased recordings) bringing back to life the entire musical catalog of AMERICADE."
Gerard de Marigny currently resides in the beautiful foothills surrounding Las Vegas, NV with his wife Lisa and their four sons. When he's not writing his novels, you'll find him bending an arm at a local pub with friends.
Book Description
Former hedge fund manager, billionaire Cris De Niro and his new counter-terrorism firm, The Watchman Agency just prevented a nuclear attack on the city of Las Vegas, but not without cost. Charley Santappia, the Agency's Vice President of Operations sacrificed his life to save the city. While at Santappia's funeral, a remorse-filled De Niro announces to his shocked staff that he needs to decide whether he wants to continue with their mission.

In front of Santappia's coffin, the squad leaders of The Watchman Agency's paramilitary arm, ARCHANGEL, decide to raise one last toast to their fallen commander. They're joined by a 'small man dressed in black' who is something of a legend to members of the Special Forces. A Delta Forces hero turned rogue operative, respected as much as he was feared ... enter Scipio, a very different type of warrior, but could he be the one to replace Santappia?

Back at The Watchman Agency's headquarters, undercover CIA agent Felix Salazar shows up with a problem he brings to his old boss from Langley now the Agency's V.P. of Intelligence Services, Michelle Wang. Salazar is convinced that Venezuela has just received a shipment of Iranian medium-range missiles and he thinks he's tracked the missiles to a Venezuelan port closest to the United States. De Niro and company decide to get involved, sending Salazar back to Venezuela to investigate with a fire team from ARCHANGEL as backup.

There is also more strange activity at the border. Soldiers of Tuco Ramirez's Pacifico Drug Cartel have been infiltrating en masse onto the Tohono O'odham reservation. This time, Bryan Ahiga head of the legendary DHS/ICE Shadow Wolves doesn't have his border patrol unit to patrol the tribal lands, so he asks De Niro if his team could lend a hand.

At the same time, De Niro is contacted by his old friend, David Nicholls. The usually incorrigible British playboy is frantic. He just found out that his dear friends were kidnapped by Somali pirates aboard their yacht, and he wants De Niro and his people to rescue them. De Niro is hesitant to offer assistance, but Scipio proposes to take care of it, as long as he can borrow Santana, De Niro's newly battle-equipped mega-yacht and her crew. The Watchman Agency is spread thin and, once again, on their own!

Cris De Niro & The Watchman Agency return to deal with Somali pirates, an imminent threat from an Iranian/Venezuelan alliance and a Mexican drug cartel's plot of immense proportions. These are the SIGNS of WAR ...

I dedicated the book to Seal Team Six, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” (John 15:13)

Book Review
I eagerly awaited the second instalment of the Watchman Agency and Cris de Niro and I was hooked and enthralled within the first few pages. Gerard de Marigny has now matched my other favourite author Lee Child and the Jack Reacher series.

The Watchman Agency receive a tip off that the Mexican drug cartel are planning to wipe out the 'Shadow Wolves' border control in order to have a direct route to the USA for drug running. De Niro feels obliged to help due to the Shadow Wolves help in previous successes in The Watchman of Ephraim. The agency face an added problem, the drug cartel have paid government officials to help them. The corrupt officers have taken over the Shadow Wolves reservation and imprisoned all the inhabitants. Can De Niro and his men take back the reservation, stop the drug cartel with government help and upsetting the political situation between Mexico and the USA. Please remember the Watchman Agency is an independent organisation, funded by Cris de Niro and have no official status in the law, they were set up to prevent another 9/11 attack on the USA.

While the agency are busy with the Shadow Wolves, Cris is asked for help by the man who made him all of his money to help rescue some hostages from Somalian Pirates. Can the agency release the hostages safely. The agency also need to prevent a shipment of missiles to Venezuela, where backed by a rich Iranian they want to sail up close to the American Coast, launch the missiles and destroy the USA. The Watchman Agency is stretched to the limit, can De Niro, with all his resources, succeed?

The author brings to life the issues and threats that the modern world face and dominance of world power certain segments desire. This is an excellent novel, the emotions that the author draws from the reader are unbelievable. The scenes and characters are described not just in appearance but what they are thinking and feeling, this is why I rate the book highly. I am eagerly awaiting BOOK III, RISE TO THE CALL.

Although this is the second book it could be read on its own due to the fact that the author explains and links it very well in the first chapter to the first novel, The Watchman of Ephraim, enabling the reader catch up on events.
Our Rating

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A learning adventure even Ms. Frizzle would be proud of.....

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The first book of a new Young Adult trilogy that's worth a look....

Happy reading! ^_^

FREE Two Days Only: A Vampire Novel with Actual Bite!

As the modern world establishes itself and pushes the supernatural into the shadows,
the supernatural fights back.

The Darkening Dream is a chilling new dark fantasy novel by Andy Gavin, creator of
Crash Bandicoot and Jak & Daxter, that has received rave reviews on Amazon.


When their best friend Maya, dies from AIDS related complications, three friends cook up a plan to get revenge on her fiancé who had been living a double life. To make matters worse, affluent African American men are being gunned down in Los Angeles, but nobody knows why. Will these friends get the justice they seek or will they uncover more than they bargained for?

Check out my review of Murder On The Down Low by Pamela Samuel's Young

Check out my 5 star review of Call Sign, White Lily by M.G. Crisci.

New book review of Matched (Matched, #1) by Ally Condie

To read a review click HERE or on the book title.

There are several new reviews up at the blog - A fantasy,Between Their Worlds, by Barb and JC Hendee, and a saga, The Legacy of Eden, by Nelle Davy.

- Here is my review of Mornings with Jesus 2012 (a wonderful devotional written by several well-known authors such as Tricia Goyer, Judy Baer, Sharon Hinck, Camy Tang, and more) 2/14


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