I'm backpacking around Asia at the moment and after meeting another backpacker who owned a kindle I've realised that an e-book reader will be ideal for my next trip (I set off with 11 books in my…Continue
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Charles Fudgemuffin has not received any gifts yet
A Lush Snaky Trick by Charles Fudgemuffin
Aliens from the planet Fem have decided that as compassionate citizens of the galaxy they have a duty to alleviate suffering and affliction from the rest of the galaxy.
In the majority of cases this will involve sharing their unprecedented prosperity and quality of life with those planets less fortunate than themselves. Of course, in a minority of extreme cases this will also involve eliminating life from those planets in the galaxy where the level of suffering is simply too great to alleviate.
Unfortunately for Earth, the Femlings have deemed us one such planet...
“Look, man. Calm down, you daft fool. I promise you, man … we’ve got no intentions of doing an anal probe on you. Why would we fly halfway across the galaxy to visit a different civilisation, and then when we get here, like, we go, ‘Hmm, how shall we interact with this new civilisation? I know! We’ll stick things up their bum!’ You’re proper mental, you, man.”
“It just seems a bit inconsiderate on their feelings. I mean, like, normally when you snog a lass she assumes it’s because you find her physically attractive, but if she realised you were only snogging her as part of a plan to kill her entire species she’d probably feel a bit huffed.”
“Ar, well, I mean I’m obviously tempted, like. I mean, I’m tempted to save the world … not the spanking stuff, obviously … just saving the world. I mean I would obviously get involved in a bit of spanking if it meant saving the world, like. But just to save the world ... not for anything else.”
This ebook contains both parts 1 and 2 of A Lush Snaky Trick.
Part 1 – Earth: 64,018 words / approx. equivalent to 208 pages in traditional paperback format
Part 2 – Fem: 55,887 words / approx. equivalent to 188 pages in traditional paperback format
Cover Illustration by Paul Johnson
Age Classification: 15+