Michael Patrick Rock's Page

MURRAY GETS LUCKY

“Morning Murray.”

“Hey Lucky, how are you doing?”

“I am doing good, it was a really good game last night”

“Of course it was, you won again, how much this time?

“ Yeah Murray, I got a little win.”

“Mike, do you ever fucking lose? I mean it. All these years of playing, and I have never seen you fucking lose!”

“Murray, why in the hell would I play a game that I lose at?” “That would be kind’ve silly wouldn’t it?”

“Don’t fuck with me kid. Don’t start noth’in, Don’t say noth’in, I ain’t in the mood for it, get it?”

“All right Murray, calm down, let’s eat some breakfast. You are hungry aren’t you?”

“Jesus, there ain’t anyone on the floor, where is all the help, where are the food servers?”

“Murray, she’ll be around, I put my order in about ten minutes ago, it should be here any minute.”

“Mike, do you bet the football cards?”

“Yeah, I’ll take two (2) from you, one for college and one for pro. I hate mixing the two together, the spreads are so much different. Pro is always tight and college is always bigger.”

“You’re a pretty smart cookie kid, it is just that mouth of yours that gets you into trouble.”

“Trouble? What kind’ve trouble?”

“Kid, you are old enough now to know better. You don’t mess with it. Just leave it alone. It has always been here, and it will always be here. Just learn not to mess with it. Honestly, you are a smart nice guy until you mess with it!”

“It Murray, It meaning the rules. I shouldn’t say nothing when a guy is cheating looking at Sal’s cards or he buys in short 3x times in a fucking row!!” Is that what you mean by “it” Murray, let the cheaters run the fucking game?”

“Don’t fuck with me kid not today…don’t fuck with me…I ain’t in the god damn mood…just keep your fucking mouth shut, and the game will go nice and smooth. Just shut the fuck up! Where is that God Damn waitress?”

Well, I got Murray pissed off and the game has not even started yet. It is about 10:00 a.m. and there are only five names on the board at Hollywood Park Casino, in Inglewood California. Where the crips and the bloods come to spend their drug money and show off their women. Where you keep your winnings in a player’s bank, and let that fact be known, so they do not follow you home and rob you. Or worse yet, rob you and beat the shit out of you. Or, the ultimate, they put a couple of bullets into you because they do not want to go back to jail. I have been playing for 34 years, and I go to the bar and buy drinks for guys with names like “Shank” and “Killer”. They think that I am a soft touch and come up to me on occasion to bum a drink. I always say yes. I believe that it is good insurance to buy these guys drinks. When they discuss who they are going to rob, I am quite sure that when my name comes up in the Round Robin of Robbery….nawwwwhhhhhh…he’s cool, let’s not fuck with him.

“Seriously, where in the fuck is that waitress?”

“I told you Murray, I got some poached eggs coming, should be here any minute.”

“What breakfast did you order kid?”

“The American Special, just $3.50….it’s a hell of a deal….half a plate of thin hash browns, 3 sausages, rye toast, coffee….shit, would be 8-9 bucks at Denny’s.”

“Yeah kid, they got good breakfast here.”

“Hell, all the food here is good, it just takes 45 minutes to get the stuff!” “ I ordered my breakfast at 10:00 on the dot, and here it is 22 minutes later, and I do not even have my tray or coffee yet! I tell ya, I have never seen such shitty waitresses in my life. I wonder why Phil does not fix it…everyone complains…and nobody does anything. Shit, there is a porter in the bathroom who hits me with the mop head every time I pee. No shit, I still have my pallywhacker out, and he hits my feet with that damn mop head before I can zip it up!” Should make that mop guy a food server. He would not let food sit around and get cold. Nope, he would get it here plenty fast!

O.K. It is now 10:35 and enough players come, maybe 12, so the staff finally decides to start the 3-6 Omaha game. Omaha is a poker game like chess is to checkers. Do not play it if you ain’t smart. Omaha is for people with I.Q.’s over 120. The truth is, I think some son of a bitch invented the game because he could not get enough mental and physical pain out of playing Texas Hold Em. Robert “Chip Burner” Turner and Blackey Blackburn both told me that they invented the game. Robert says he invented it in Alabama when Seven Card Stud Hi-Lo was popular, and Blackey said he invented it in Nepal where he damn near got himself killed running a casino in paradise. They are both pretty good story tellers.

Oh shit, we’re going to have a fight. Hey asshole, that is my seat. No it’s not…it’s my seat. You little prick, you know that I always sit in seat 9! Yeah, so what, I was here before you. No you weren’t, I was here before you. On and On this goes, it is like Romper Room on Speed. Children, now let’s calm down. We are about to have calm and organized warfare. Why did God give us this gambling gene? Men love poker and Women love slots…they got us by the balls and the ovaries!

“Mike, did you really order breakfast from someone?”

“I start laughing pretty hard...my belly is going up and down like a slinky, and it is hard to catch my breath. I don’t know why, I just find it easy to laugh uncontrollably at a poker table. I laugh when I am having sex too, and that causes a lot of consternation with the very few women that will sleep with me.

“Of course I ordered breakfast, why would I tell you I ordered if I hadn’t?”

“I don’t know kid, you just seem to always be fucking with something, I just thought it was me, that’s all, I just thought you might be fucking with me!”

“Murray, look, here she comes.”
“ Yep, it looks like I am going to get a tray and some coffee, better than nothing…eggs are gonna be harder than shit, 45 minute poached eggs! Oughta be hard like a fucking rock.

Herb: Send em back!

“Yeah, right, my blood sugar is like 60 now…I send em back and I will be a dead man. I take that god damn pill, and I’ve got 30 minutes to get some food in me. Is it that god damn hard to put two eggs into hot water, and soft poach them…I mean …hell with it, I should just make a brown sack paper lunch and walk in here with it. Or go to Subway, and sneak it in here under my shirt. What the hell they going to do? I pay $15-22 bucks an hour to play here…they gonna bar me over a damn sandwich? I mean shit guys, it is ridiculous.

Herb: “ Mike, calm down. It has always been this way, and it will always be this way…so just calm down and get use to it. Your heart does not need you getting worked up like this.

“Herb, come on, it isn’t right!

“I didn’t say it was right…I said that this is the way it is.

“You should go to the Hustler.”

Yeah right, the food and service is good, but the game sucks!

Everyone chuckles.

Multiple Players: Checks…Checks…Checks. Hey dealer, get a check girl over here, we need some chips to start this game.

Dealer: Meekly, almost not audible…Cwwhecks twable feefy-weighttt.

Translation from Cambodian to English…Checks Table 58.
God she is pretty, cannot speak English, cannot read the cards…she looks like perfect wife material.

“Yeah, marry her Mike, give you about 6 months before she is Americanized, and is shopping at Nordstroms’s.”

Nordstrom’s my ass…Rodeo Drive.

Chuckles by all.

Rosario appears with my plate with a metal flying saucer covering it.

“Rosie, is it hot?”

Yes, Mike it is hot.

“Rosie, it took 52 minutes to get this breakfast, are you sure it is hot?”

Rosie: “Rosie laughs, yes, Mike, I checked the plate myself, the food is hot.

Don’t run off just yet Rosie, I am going to check it myself.
Rosie is getting pissed, real pissed.
Sure enough, the food is hot, and I stab a fork into the first poached egg. Yup, it sticks to the fork like epoxy glue. Jesus Rosie, worse than Rubber, this is almost shale.

Do you want me to send it back and get you some new eggs?
Mike: Hell no, I am dying here…get me some Ketchup, I am eating these god damn things!
Rosie, I shouldn’t tip you, but I am scared of what you will do to my food tomorrow.

Whole table chuckles.

O.K. $3.50 for the American Breakfast, right Rosie?

Rosie: Si, Mike.

O.K. Here’s $5 bucks….please Rosie, tomorrow have that idiot cook do it right. I know baby, you did not do this…I know it ain’t your fault, but gawwwddddd…would you want to eat these?

Whole table and Rosie chuckling.

Oh, Rosie, Murray wants you.

Can I have the menu please?

I do not know why Murray is asking for the damn menu. He is a cheap son of a bitch and is going to order the American Breakfast for $3.50 just like I did, and he is going to tip her $0.50 cents or stiff her completely! But no, he is going to read that menu anyway, just like he did yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that for the last 5 years. Yup, the last time they had a menu change. Go ahead dumb shit, read the damn menu, and then order your two (2) eggs over easy, with the bacon done crispy like…do not burn it…but you know crispy...but you know….do not burn it…you know how I like it baby…don’t ya? Two pieces of lightly toasted rye toast….do not put anything on it Baby….I want it dry…..only toast it lightly Baby….you know…you know how I like it baby…don’t ya Baby? Oh, and two tabs of real butter. Ya know, the stuff in the gold foil, do not give me any of that tub shit. That tub shit, that ain’t food.

“Murray, I think the tub shit is axle grease, keeps you regular you old fart.”

“Don’t start with me kid, god damn it, I told you earlier don’t start with me.

Herb: “ Murray, calm down, he is just trying to be funny. Calm the fuck down, you are gonna blow something Murray, calm down!

“ No, he is always starting something, and I warned the fat fuck not to mess with me today. I do not want to be messed with, not today you fat fuck, not today, not any day, I will kill you. I will kill you, you fat fuck. I killed better men than you in Korea. I’ll get out of this god damn chair and come over and kill you with my own fucking bare hands.

Lips are purple, and phlegm is coming out of his mouth. This is getting real ugly real fast, and I am not sure what I did to get this response.
Security comes over, floor man comes over, the manager comes over.

Floor Man: Murray, Murray, Murray, what is wrong?

That fat fuck, it’s always that fat fuck!
Murray is now choking on his own phlegm.

Mike, come with me to the office.
Door closes, and there are six mucky mucks in their staring at me.

Manager:“What did you do to Murray?”

“ Nothing.”

“Nothing? The man is frothing at the mouth, and you did nothing?

That’s right. An hour ago he asked me if I ever lose at Omaha, and of course I lied and told him that I never lose...you know…re-enforce that he should fold any hand that I raise him.

That’s it? That’s all you said to him?

Yeah, we were alone talking, and that’s all that I said, and now, I told him that the tub butter was axle grease…he ordered the foil kind…it is not like he had it in front of him or anything…I mean all the guys were laughing and stuff.

“Jesus, I do not know what it is between you two, you should hear the terrible things he says about you, I mean terrible things.”

“Come on, he loses a lot, hell, he never makes it to the window. I mean; I have never seen him hit that window with chips, in like six years. Somehow, he thinks that I am the one taking all of them. Jesus, I wonder if he blames a different guy when I am not here.

“Mike. We gotta do something.” I cannot have that nice old man dying at our table. He is a famous actor for God’s sake.

“Honest, I am nice to him. I get him pillows when his leg hurts. I get an extra chair to prop up his leg. I go buy him Tylenol at the store out of my own pocket. I am nice to him.

“Mike, this cannot go on. I am going to ask you to play Hold-em while Murray is in the casino.”

“You are kidding?!”

“No, I am dead serious. Stay away from Omaha until Murray goes home.”

“How about today?”

“The game will be short without you…so today play.”

I go back to the table, and play my “A” game, and keep my mouth totally shut.

“ God Damn it dealer, how could you fucking miss this hand? I mean I got nut low, nut flush draw…and you go and counterfeit my low and pair the god damn board to boot.

Herb: “ What did you have for low Murray?”

“A-2”

“That would’ve taken low …even though it was copied…it was a good low Murray.”

“God Damn it!”

Murray only has to wait 37 minutes to get his breakfast. The waitress drops it off, and because Murray is in a hand, she just leaves the flying saucer on top of the plate, and walks away leaving the food tray within reach. Hand is over, Murray loses again, his hand is shaking as he lifts the flying saucer off. He is too upset, and has problems with the flying saucer cover, and gets frustrated and throws it to the floor with a metal clang. Hit something, hell I do not know what it hit, but it sounded like a cheap bell being struck. Murray, grabs his fork and swishes it back and a forth thru the egg. Stabs the white, and his hands are still shaking. About an inch from his mouth is the fork now, when the waitress re-appears screaming at him. M-I-S-T-E-R…YOU GOT NO PICTURE ON THIS VOUCHER!!! AGAIN, YOU GOT NO PICTURE ON THIS VOUCHER!!!
Sounds like a Teamster yelling at someone on the dock. Simultaneously, Murray’s right hand flicks the white egg about 5 feet to the right, and the left hand catches the bottom of the plate, and flings all that fresh breakfast to the floor!
Eyes popping out, neck veins popping out...throbbing of all arteries and veins…this could be bad?

Murray: Jesus Christ! Look what you made me do?!

Waitress: “I did not make you do anything.

“ Whaaaaaaaaaattttttttttt? Nothing…you screamed at me…you made me spill my food. God Damn it, get me a manager, get me the food manager, get me the fucking casino manager. God Damn it.”

Bedlam.

Folks start appearing. Security, Floor People, and Managers. Security wants to clean up the mess, and gets a porter with a broom, and a dust pan, and a bucket.

“ Stop, nobody is cleaning this up, I want witnesses. I want someone to see this. God Damn it, I want witnesses.

Mike: “Security officer, I witnessed it, the man tried to pass off a counterfeit food voucher for the American Breakfast. I mean it did not have his picture on it or anything. I mean, that is pretty bad counterfeiting right there, isn’t it?” “I say call the Inglewood Police...call the cops now!”

Bedlam with total chaos and laughter.

“ God Damn it Mike, shut the fuck up. Look at this mess. Would you just look at this mess.

“Cops sir, that was voucher fraud…voucher fraud if I have ever seen it…yep…voucher fraud…son of a bitch was trying to cheat you guys out of a breakfast.”
The table is laughing so hard…they can’t catch their breaths.
Murray threatens to kill me again, but the game must go on. The casino has to make their money…so we all calm down…even Murray wants a hand more that he wanted to kill me; oh, and another American Breakfast.

MIRACLES…JESUS, BHUDDA, MOHAMMED, VISHNU, OR THE MORMOM TABERNACLE CHOIR. Luck, I do not know where it comes from, but after six years of watching this 82 year old tough as fucking nails Marine, lose at poker for six long years...it happened.
MURRAY GOT LUCKY!
The first hand was a beauty. Murray was the dealer button, so he was the last to act. It was six-way action, and I knew that Murray had a monster, because Murray never raises! I mean never before the flop. So the hand was raised early, and Murray is last to act, and he pauses…he never pauses either…he just says “check” like a one trick pony…or a Pee Wee Herman Doll that only has one line left in it. With Murray on my right, I can act out of turn and not get in trouble...don’t yell at me…Murray was going to check anyway…weren’t you Murray?
Anyway, Murray said check and six guys see the flop. There is $36.00 in the pot on the flop. The flop is K-Q-J with 2 clubs.

Now, Omaha, The top pair is usually the winner of the pot. This math will not be perfect, for this story it does not have to be. But, if there is a jack on the flop, then usually...more than half the time, the best Jack will win the pot, meaning A-J is the best jack. The hand you are about to read about has never happened when I was at a table, and I have been playing for 34 years. I want to reiterate that. It had never happened before, and I swear that this hand went down just like I am describing it…changing the names of the principals of course, so I do not get my ass sued.
Back to the Game: The flop is K-Q-J with two clubs on board.

Manny is first position and bets 3 bucks...3 blue chips.

Paul calls with two tiny clubs.

Gale raises with the nut club draw (he’s got the ace of clubs and another club).

Bruno raises again with a pair of Queens (3 Queens), giving him the second set.

Ray says what the hell, and caps it with a pair of Jacks (3 jacks).

Murray is still shaking, but it is worse than when he flung a fork full of egg over to the horse betting window, and simultaneously put an American Breakfast airborne because of a Nazi food server. I could tell that Murray had a monster, yep, Murray had a pair of Kings! Murray just is not lucky, he knows how to play the game, and he is a smart man and an accomplished actor. Murray is tough too. If Murray were 52, and not 82, he would kick the living shit out of me.
The turn is a club.(§)!

Manny does not like his nut strait so much...because it is at risk. Manny was a N.Y. cop and worked his way thru law school to become a respected Judge in both N.Y. and Los Angeles. Manny Checks.

Paul makes money and really just plays poker to be with the guys. I think he hates his wife, because when we tell wife stories, he gets sad. When we tell girlfriend stories he gets sad too. Anyhoooo…he does not give a shit if he wins or loses…I think he is very wealthy.
Paul fires a six dollar bet into the pot.

Gale calls.

Bruno raises.

Ray re –raises.

Murray stops to think again...Murray has top set, but he does not like the clubs either, Murray just calls.

Manny calls with the strait.

Paul fires another raise into the pot with his club flush. We are only allowed one bet and (3) three raises…and Paul gets the third (we call it capped raise) into the pot.

The river comes another King! The case King! 44-1 miracle card. It will happen about 2.5% of the time, and that is like when you all ready got the trips…so what is it? 1000-1 to happen? I will look it up later, let’s get on with this hand.

Manny checks.

Paul knows better, but he fires his little flush into the pot, he knows it is the wrong thing to do, but he does it anyway.

Gale calls, we call it a crying call…the pot is just too big for him to let it go. He thinks there is a 20% chance to win, then he is going to call, and he does.

Bruno has what he thinks is second nut...it is third nut...but he fires the raise in.

Ray has a full house and automatically re -raises, joyfully, like he thinks he is going to take down this monster.

Murray calls time…really dumb…he should have just called or raised…I would’ve raised. There is so much adrenalin in the air. This is that rare occurrence when something tragic and great is going to happen all at once. It is the reason we play this game. The ultimate Monster.
Murray calls.

Manny says, fuck it and folds.

Paul, the donator calls.

Gale calls.

Bruno re-raises.

Ray calls.

Murray finally gets the idea that everyone is going to call this hand down anyway, and puts in the last raise. Everyone calls.
The last raiser has to show his hand first, which of course is Murray.

Murray: “Gentleman, I have four Kings!”

Dead silence, quickly followed by, Good Hand Murray, Way to go Murray, Jesus Christ, never put you on that Murray.
An average pot in our little 3-6 Omaha game is like $24-$42 bucks, and it becomes a kill-pot if the pot is hogged by one player, and the amount is over $60 bucks.
Murray’s pot was:
$36 pre flop
$72 on the flop
$144 on the turn
$108 on the river
total $360 bucks.

That is a big pot in our little game. Murray was taking handfuls of chips and pulling them in towards him. Murray looked like he had hooked a Marlin. Murray did not say anything. I am sure that he has won bigger amounts of money in bigger games. However, I think that is the biggest amount of units (chips) he had ever won. It was just a fluke, the right players and the right cards, and it was action city.

Next hand Murray takes down a kill pot with Aces full of Nines (Hogger Kill Pot).

Next Hand Murray wins with top two pair.

Next hand Murray makes a miracle river for Kings full (Kill Pot).

Murray is winning every goddamn pot. It is ridiculous. I do not play a hand. I would throw away pocket aces at this point and wait for him to cool off. I didn’t, but I would’ve. Honest, it looked like a goddamn forest fire. Our chips were kindling, and Murray’s chips were on fire.

Now, there are only a couple of Universal rules in life.
Rule #1 applies to men and women. If you are getting sex on a regular basis, then do not do anything to jeopardize the situation, until you have the other lover you chose to be with in your grip. A tight grip. Otherwise, you will be alone at night, miserable. Alone with a nice Harlequin Romance novel if you are a woman, and with a Hustler Magazine and a sock if you are a man. None of my numerous girlfriends will admit to ever having masturbated. O.K. (3) three girlfriends in 52 years is not that big of a sampling batch, but I have asked plenty of non girl friends the same question, ya know?

Rule #2 When you are on a poker rush:
Do not get up and go to the bathroom.
Do not order food.
Do not talk to strangers.
Do not let the railbirds stand behind you.
Do not let anyone stand behind you.
Ignore all table chatter and focus.
Do not let any asshole change the deck.
Pay said asshole not to change the deck.
Lie and say the deck was changed 20 minutes ago, they will go check their records, and you will get a couple more hands in that way.
Do not add or subtract any cushions from under your butt.
Do not look at any pretty women.
Do not look at any ugly women.
Hey stupid, do not look at women, o.k.?
Do not loan any money until the rush is over.
Increase the amount of tip to the dealer. If you normally tip $.50 cents, start making it a dollar. I tip according to how many hands I win…that dealer gives me six winning hands in a half hour, then his last tip is six bucks…seriously now…do it!
Breathe, but no deep breaths…let’s move on…Ohhhhhhhhh,
Never leave the fucking table and move up to a higher limit!!!!!!!!

MURRAY MOVED UP TO THE 6-12 LIMIT GAME WITH ABOUT $900.

Thank God he left, I did not play a frigging hand for about 1.5 hours. I was bored, and I was looking at pretty girls.

Murray felt like a pro, he actually looked like a pro; and the poor schmuck, thought it was going to continue. Well, it might have, if he would’ve stayed where he was and just kept pounding away on us. Greed. Yep, greed got Murray. I was happy for the old fart to have a rush, sunset and heaven nor hell is going to have an Omaha game. Wait a minute, Hell might, but it would not be a good game.
Murray was gone, and I started eking out some pots for myself. My eight hours was up, and I was up a whopping $167 bucks…just over $20 bucks and hour…time to go home, cook dinner and watch Jeopardy, read some Bukowski, and then 2.5 men at 9:00 p.m. Then, lights out at 9:30. I wanted too see how Murray had fared. I walked over to the higher section, and there was Murray with about $40 dollars. I asked him what had happened? Murray shrugged his shoulders. Well, at least he had his moment of glory. Never seen a rush like that before, and hope not to be at the table when it happens again to someone. Remember, the place is there 24/7. So when you can, take the winnings home with you, I mean put them in the players bank so you do not get followed home.





Texas Hold-em is a game of skill. Period…that’s it…..buy all the books that you want…read and study. Pull your hair out and scream at God while you are trying to learn this game. I promise you that after you read all the bullshit and talk to every son of a bitch that thinks he is an expert on Texas Hold-em…that your game will probably be worse after you study for numerous hours, it will become worse than it is right now! Yep, worse!
Since you plucked down $29.99 for this little story of mine...I am going to give you a million dollar education in Texas Hold-em in the next couple of sentences and paragraphs. Let’s just call it Texas Hold-em made real simple.

HERE GOES:

1. BIG CARDS WIN DUHHHH…..
AA, KK, QQ take the money the majority of the time against one or two players (90%)
JJ, TT, 99, 88, win more than 70% of the time against one or two players.
77, 66,55,44,33,22, The pros will play this stuff…but if you want to take the frustration out of the game… you either flop a set of trips with these pairs…or throw them away…it is 7.5-1 that you will flop a set…so get good and use to throwing them away...I call them carpal tunnel pairs.

It is not the math that gets you into trouble with pairs of 9’s or below, it is the aggressive player who raises with A-K; or boards of flops where your pair is 4th best, that makes you throw them away. You cannot help but thinking the object is to have the best hand, so it gets real tough playing pairs when there are one or more over cards on the flop.

2. WHEN AT A LOOSE TABLE FORGET ABOUT YOUR PAIRS AND FOCUS ON PLAYING CONNECTED CARDS AND SUITED CONNECTED CARDS.

Let’s make this easy. Yup, you still play 22, all the way to AA, but with 4 or more players seeing the flop, consider throwing all of these pairs away unless you flop a set or a non threatening flop to your pair. Yup, I would rather have 4-5 than a pair of aces against 4, 5,6, 7,8 players. Why, because I want to have a competed hand against that many, and make the big pairs and the two pairs and the trips suffer and surrender their chips to me.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WIN VERY MANY POTS IN A POKER GAME TO BE A WINNING PLAYER! LET’S SAY IT AGAIN, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WIN VERY MANY POTS IN ANY POKER GAME TO BE A WINNING PLAYER!! BUT YOU DO HAVE TO WIN BIG POTS!!

My favorite hand is J-T suited against big fields, so of course my favorite flop is 9-8-7 rainbow (all different suits). Q-9-8 is pretty cool too.
Okay, now go play this way in your local casino or on the internet for 2 weeks, and keep records! How long did you play, and if you can, count how many hands you had and how many you played. Now be honest, and tell me how much more money you made. Now, do the right thing and send me $100 dollars out of your winnings. Hey, I earned it. You would have stumble fucked around the rest of your life without the last two paragraphs. Texas Hold Em is simple. BIG CARDS WIN AGAINST A SMALL FIELD, AND YOU GOTTA PLAY FOR STRAITS AND FLUSHES AGAINST A LARGE FIELD. That’s it! That’s all! Now you can go beat Johnny Chan.

Now, let’s get down to what this chapter is all about:

LUCK!!

Sorry boys and girls, Luck is alive and well. You can snivel about it if you want, but luck is all around us. Every day you get up in the morning and drive to work. If you live in L.A. you are luckier than shit if you do not get into a fender bender once a year. If you live in the rest of the United States, you will have some kind’ve incident every 3.5 years. Now, we got something in L.A. called insurance fraud…so some folk’s start wrecks on purpose……oh shit, Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh My! It makes for some interesting defensive driving techniques.

LUCK!!

Winning at poker takes patience. You would think that if you are playing Texas Hold Em with 9 people (you included), that you would win one out of nine (9) hands, right? Well, you gotta throw in some Sigma probability, and then expect to play up to 27 hands and get only one winning hand. Hey, do not get mad at me…I did not make up the laws of mathematics. Get pissed off at Copernicus or Sir Isaac Newton, not me! One of them invented math and one of them invented calculus, and the Newton Apple.
Be patient during this wait for a starting hand. Do not talk to the waitresses, chip girls, floor people. Do not stare at the dealer’s cleavage either. No, take your time and watch the other people play their cards. That’s right, just be a non chalant casual observer. They are gonna tell you everything you need to know during this time. What kind’ve hands do they like to play? What position do they play them in? Identify the true idiots that do not care what position they are in, they just play anything in any position. Be observant, and if you have the discipline, get to know them personally. I mean their names, what they do for a living. Share something about yourself with them. Write this information down in your car after every poker session before you start your car. You heard me…do not start your car. Once you get on the road, you will be driving defensively and forget almost everything that happened in that damn game. So write it down while it is fresh.

Oh shit, I digress…Murray gets Lucky! Yeah, the chapter I am working on here…P.S. you will be lucky about 5% percent of the time! The other 95% you must be disciplined and work at this silly game of Texas Hold- em.