So you want sex, but not a relationship? The texts drill into your phone: ‘want to hook up’ … ‘what are you wearing?’… ‘you are so sexy’ …’come to my office at 10’ He is hot and your are…LONELY. And you figure that a ‘hook up’ might satisfy that itch. In fact, you reason, if men can do it, why can’t I? Hell, you rationalize that having great sex with your friend will be a great way to have your cake without any commitment. You like him; you can hang out; you can avoid all the courtship; and then he can go home.
Is it worth it?
Add sex to any relationship and it equals COMPLICATIONS! Perhaps it worked for Mila and Justin for a while in the Hollywood movie, but even in the Hollywood movie Mila got pissed off! Mila’s expecations grew; jealousy reared its ugly head; and even Justin started feeling accountable for his actions.
A Quick Biology Lesson:
Here’s where men and women are so different when it comes to ‘friends with benefits’.
The analogy is simple. Think of a man as a ship that floats on the water. When he has sex with his friend, he is drifting on top of the water. The sex may be orgasmic, but he does not release a love hormone. In the end his ship still sails on top of the water. His ship is always looking for more oceans to float upon.
Now think of the woman as the ocean.The minute her male friend ejaculates into her oceanic world and she orgasms, she releases oxytocin. Yes, that little “love hormone” creeps into her world and she “bonds” with her ship (I mean man).
The Optimists’ Viewpoint
Kathy expressed it this way: “ A friend with benefits is convenient for me.We do not have to worry about spending money, dressing up, or small talk. We know how to please each other. No fuss, no muss. And we are there for each other when we want each other.”
Pam expressed this: “I am comfortable with John. He knows me inside and out. I am more exploratory with my sex because of my friendship. I just don’t worry about the little things. It is great that I know him, we can talk, we can have sex, and we can go our separate ways.”
The Pessimists’ Viewpoint
Janie’s story is a little different. “Friends with benefits destroyed my relationship with Skip. We had a great friendship and started fooling around. He is a great guy, but one day I met John. John had the whole package. Needless to say, I started spending more time with John. I was not able to meet up with Skip as much and eventually I broke it off with Skip. In the end, Skip was crushed and he never has spoken to me since. I always assumed Skip would be there because he was my friend first.”
I personally watched one of my friends get crushed from her friends with benefits trial. In the end her heart was broken and she “really thought he loved her”. In the end he did not love her. He loved the casual sex.
Urggg. I think I like the idea of courtship best. A frog with benefits seems to be a DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN. But I would love to hear from my sisters out there that can share more on the subject.
Pucker up, Princess! LIKE us on fb.com/TheDatingPond
www.thedatingpond.com or follow us on twitter at TheDatingPond