Let's be honest...
Last year I decided to write a book. This idea had been spinning in my head for years. Let's go back to 1996.
It is a couple of months before the Presidentail elections and Saddam is saber rattling. I am lying in bed at 0100 when the phone rings. I knew damn well who it was, and I knew the call was coming so i was sleeping ever so lightly. "Hot or Cold?" I asked. "Hot, damn hot!" was the reply. 5 hours later I was on a plane headed to Kuwait. I was an independent duty medical technician which meant I would go to places where the Air Force didn't want to waste valuable physician resources, or Docs. During my time in Kuwait I had the opportunity to spend some time in the home of a very pious Muslim man and his family. He and his were so gracious and kind I felt completely at home. He was a loving and attentive Father and Husband. We spoke of tougher times and of better times. We spoke of God, Allah, and of Jesus Christ. Please don't turn away this is not a Christian diatribe. This is how the idea for my book began.
Several years later...2008. I am now a RN working nights in the Intensive Care Unit. I will never profess to be the best nurse in the world, but I am up there with the most caring. This night I am taking care of a 50some year old man who will die sometime in the next 24 hours. It's his time. With me in the room is his 16 year old daughter. An injured soul, she is losing her Daddy, and she has always been a Daddy's girl. Her Mother sleeps fitfully in the room between two chairs pushed together to make the worst bed ever. We talk and my soul bleeds as she fragilly attempts to be brave.
A year ago corporate medicine is a tarnished second place trophy to me. Too many MBA's who know too little making too many decisions affecting too many people who need too much help.
I came back from one rotation to the desert with liver disease and developed diabetes. Life is precious. My mortality is different than yours. Not better, not worse, this is not a contest. I see life and the cessation of life differently. Put a person in a body bag and it will affect you.
Listen, all this is to explain why I wrote my book, (shameless plug) For Heaven's Sake! I love this book. It makes me cry everytime I read it. It makes me laugh, wonder, and awaken. If I never write another thing it is part of my legacy. It is something I can hand to my 82 year old Pop and say, "look at the man you helped to create!" It is something I can give to my wife, my daughter and somehow justify the love I know they have for me. It is something my grandson can one day hold in his hand and believe that there are other answers than those that seem so concrete.
Let's be honest, we all write for all kinds of reason. And if we are being really honest...I'd love to work in my pajamas!
May God, by whatever name, Bless!