Please allow me to introduce myself. I was given a name at birth, but you can call me Joe Cool. I’m a hero. I’m on the helm. I do what I want. I’m special.
 
Yep, I’m an illusion. Deep down inside I know it. But who cares? I’m in control. Still in control…
 
I’m told I’m a disease. I’m told I impregnate the system, but how can that be? I’m NOTHING, really. I’m thought, I’m memory, I’m pure crystallization.
 
I’m static. I interpret and judge; I always know what’s best, what’s right. I’m selfish. So what? I don’t need anyone. I use others and others use me…
 
Sure, I have a reason for everything I do. I’m constantly justifying myself. I’m NOTHING. So what? As long as I’m in control, NOTHING else matters. I’m aggressive, I’m active, I’m influential while in control. I’m illusion. I rebel, fight, scream. I tread on others. I’m spoiled; nobody listens to me, nobody pays attention to me. Of course, I’m NOTHING!
 
I’m limitation itself. I’m endless within my illusion! I need to live. I’m immortal until the day I die. Yep, I’ll die. So what? Everyone dies one day…
 
I’m structure. Or so I believe. I want to exist! I want to show off! I want to be important. I want to be acknowledged. I want to be acclaimed. I’m proactive. I’m always first. Or last, it doesn’t matter. As long as I get the attention I deserve. Always! I’m so childish!
 
I need to hang on. I need to survive. No, I won’t disappear. I won’t evaporate. Deep down inside, I know I do harm. So what? One day I’ll die anyway…
 
Body? What do you care? It’s mine, and mine alone. I take all my frustrations out on my body. Who cares? It deserves to be punished. And one day I’ll die anyway…
 
Want to get to know me? No dice. I’ll hide as much as I can. You won’t see me coming. I’ll catch you by surprise. And I’ll dump all my crap on you. Tough. I’m despicable, I’m manipulative, I’m arrogant. I’m blind!
 
I love blood. To hell with everything! I’m a tyrant, but sometimes I play the victim. I love it! It brings me closer to people. This way I can manipulate others. This way I can use others. Who cares?
 
I’m really smart. I meet my needs and justify myself while I’m at it. I’m a sufferer. But then again, who isn’t? I’m entitled. People will respect me, people will be proud of me. And I’ll be knee deep with suffering. I’ll drown a little more. Who cares? One day I’ll die anyway…
 
I’m clever. I make up my own stories. I’m always fooling myself.
 
I’m happy. I’m happy because I’m constantly fooling myself. And whenever I’m sad, I have my excuses to cheer me up. That’s fine. Everything will be different next time. Hey, that’s what reincarnation is for, right? RIGHT? Until then, leave me alone. I’m suffering…and enjoying every last bit of it.
 
Somewhere within my shallowness I’m self-sufficient. I like this word. Shallowness. I don’t want to drown. May each one manipulate the other as each deem fit. I don’t want to stop. I know I’m right! I must be right! An eye for an eye…blessed be Moses!
 
I love my stories. Who cares? The world is filled with stories! Let me express myself. Let me go on fooling myself. Let me go on contributing towards a crappier world. This way time goes by faster. This way I leave my mark on others, on the cattle. It’s always their fault anyway…
 
I hate mirrors.
 
I live in peace. I DO! I’m always imagining. Then I won’t have to face the world. Who cares? The world is my oyster. And I want to eat it raw.
 
I love words. They're great. They're my refuge, my weapon of choice. I live in a sea of words and thrive on them, especially the words whose meaning I cannot fathom. Words are my shield against feelings. They prevent me from feeling. Well, feelings. Who needs feelings anyway?
 
My motto: much confusion and always on the move. And speaking of movement, which way is forward?
 
Now, where was I? Oh, yes, the words. I’m in control. Words are my tool. Words keep me safe and warm. Want to see?
 
Check this out. Watch me get rid of my anger.
 
I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m angry, AAAAAARGH! ANGER! See? It’s gone. Anger is gone. See how easy it is? Words are magical! I’ve felt my anger. And now it’s gone. Don’t believe me? TOUGH! You’re lucky you’re not here. Otherwise I’d BEAT THE LIVING CRAP out of you!
 
Well, enough talking. It’s time to go and lock myself down. It’s time to shut down. Yes. This makes me stronger. This is how I build my castles. Strong, solid. No foundation, but solid nevertheless…
 
No, wait. I think I’ll go on speaking. I feel better this way. What am I afraid of? I’m not afraid! If I stop, I won’t die!
 
Well, I must confess I’m dependent. But then again, who isn’t? Of course, if I stop for a second it will only be to drink a little or smoke a little or have that sweet.
 
What? It’s bad for me? Well piss off! How can I go on if I’m deprived of the small pleasures in life? How could I survive? How? How? Survive?
 
Oops, I’m dead.

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Comment by Paul Anthony on February 17, 2012 at 6:06pm
Such a shy retiring lad!

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